Sunday 17 July 2011

22 Things I Think It Is Imperative You Should Know

1. DO NOT drink yellow water. This is a similar warning to not eating yellow snow but with this one I have a little more personal experience. Our water was yellow the other day. At first I thought that the sink had changed colour. But alas the women next door said the drains were blocked and it had made her family ill. So, whatever you might think it is not just good quality Scottish water, it has bad things living in it. Unless perhaps you live in Scotland.

2. Rachel Phipps' blog is really good. She is much better at it than me, and I recommend you follow her, for recipes, product reviews and stunning photography. She inspired me to begin blogging.

3. I make a good Indian. Here I am with a big bloke and a moustache at the British Empire themed, camp summer  ball.  My outfit was given to me by my Godmother in Bahrain. I'm surprised it still fits.





Slightly fuzzy pictures of my Indian eyes, which I created using an Urban Decay 'Get Baked' eye shadow palette, a dodgy bindi drawn on with luckily not so permanent Sharpie, and silver gems from Claire's.

 



Dipping in the chocolate fountain. 


4. Do not call in to Ian's late show on Talksport radio and start dissing Rupert Murdoch. I heard Darren from Doncaster do this, and it did not end well. However I must point out that Talksport, as Ian will repeatedly
remind you, is not part of the Murdoch franchise.


5. You shouldn't wear leggings if your top comes above the crotch area. Nobody wants to see that saggy bit. Leggings are not a replacement for trousers, they are simply a comfortable covering for your legs - to be worn with long tops. Whatever you might think.....you are not Olivia Newton-John.

6. Rugeley town park really smells of sperm.

7. Partly due to the above statement, I think that Staffordshire is one of the saddest counties in Britain. Stafford, Stoke, Lichfield, Rugeley, Walsall - I cant think of an actual good town in Staffordshire. I feel sorry for their residents.

8. The G in G-string actually stands for groin! mmm nice.



9. It is possible to continuously sleep for 10 days. This is what a documentary taught me on BBC Three. Louisa Ball suffers from Kleine Levin Syndrome, so she managed to sleep right through her GCSE's with a valid excuse! You can watch the programme again here

10. It is also possible to pass A-Level English Literature without reading the texts. Well I managed to get an A at AS but I suppose the true test will come on August the 18th. There is either a problem with the OCR board in that if you just tick the assessment objectives you get the marks, or there is a real skill in reading the novel summaries online and learning quotations off by heart. I'd like to believe the latter.

11. My cousin is really cute

12. Hair removal cream really does make your legs softer for longer than shaving.

13. Nosepickers are the future! Well, I call them nosepickers but I have discovered that they are in fact called Lancet's. They are used to scrape out blackheads from your nose, and I bought one on line recently - £1.52 instead of £14 in Boots!

Ok so here they look like some kind of surgical implements, and I admit if you let someone do it to you it can be a little painful. One end has a loop of metal and the other a mini ice- cream scoop. However I recommend not tasting the contents. 
14. Twitter is for twits. But also a very good time waster and funny to laugh at peoples tweets.

15. Tim Henman is not actually called Tin Henman, as I used to beleive, and Tupperwear is no in fact Tuppelwear.

No no
16. Cocoa butter is great but probably best to buy the bottle without the pump as it gets clogged easy and your left with moisturiser you cant reach!

17. When it says 'Do not consume', DO NOT CONSUME.

18. It is possible to be afraid of quiche. It is not for men, but also is not for Amy.

19. Dolphins nap with one eye open

20. Train tickets go up in price almost by the minute. So if you know you're going somewhere - book it!

21. The person who is going to live till 150 has already been born.

22. Frijolemole is ACE.

MMMM buy it now. 

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for the mention - it's also nice to know you're still barking mad!

    I also seem to remember you WEAR Olivia Newton John! x

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  2. I'm a Stafford-dweller and couldn't agree more with point 7. Although I have to say I've never sniffed Rugeley town park, I did once see two old blokes in the town centre having a very intense row because one had greeted the other by saying, "Alright John, how's tricks?" when his name wasn't actually John. Effing and blinding and everything. You're also totally right about frijemole. It makes living here much more bearable! x

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  3. Point 10 is entirely true. If you get really good at it, you can find yourself almost at the end of your Literature MA having read only the most important parts of books, and avoided Ulysses entirely. Excellent skill!

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